A glimpse inside Santa’s satchel (or why I need to go back to a small purse)


I started to write something maudlin and then noticed I have a mini etch-a-sketch in my purse. I don’t think anyone carrying toys in their purse should be writing mopey posts. Yes, toys, as in plural. If I were jailed today and released in 6 months or what have you, the clerk could rattle off the following: 

One brown leather purse. Keys. Tiny rubber baseball mitt and ball. Half a tube of rose scented hand cream. An expired set of coupons good (or more to the point not good) for Auntie Anne’s Pretzels. A boogie board.


(right now you are thinking whoa, this must be a satchel! But it’s not that kind of boogie board. It’s an electronic toy you write on and then push a button and voila! the screen wipes clean and you get to start a new game of tic-tac-toe or what have you.)


A set of 0.3mm pens and small sketch book. One page has a colored pencil drawing of a shirtless Viking I tried to recreate from memory based on a photograph I once found between the pages of a dictionary when I was just a child but lost somewhere along the way and will clearly never forgive myself.


Small and empty bottle of ibuprofen. Hair brush. Head band. Three tubes of lipstick (and some feminine hygiene products which I am embarrassed to even list, like I’m 13 or something). Wallet packed fat with fun (but no cash). Battered Metlife dental card not secured in wallet like rest of membership cards for some reason but floating loose like a renegade.


Forgotten “organic” fruit strip that I just checked and you will be happy to know the sell-by date is not until April! Packet of Captain’s Wafers, Cream Cheese & Chives flavor (blech). A ticket stub for Miss Peregrine’s Home for Pecuiliar Children. One participation medal from a children’s race. Portable charger and several cords which match up to specific devices but look just similar enough to trick me every time. Unopened air freshener for car in Christmas Cookie™ scent.

No wonder I can never find my keys. I make an effort to put them in one of the side pockets, or the wings of the purse, if you will, but still I can never find them quickly. A long time ago I made a decision to carry a small purse, but I guess I forgot and this one was a gift from my husband, who once observed that I crammed too much into my small purse and needed more room.

A mere sampling