A glimpse inside Santa’s satchel (or why I need to go back to a small purse)

I started to write something maudlin and then noticed I have a mini etch-a-sketch in my purse. I don’t think anyone carrying toys in their purse should be writing mopey posts. Yes, toys, as in plural. If I were jailed today and released in 6 months or what have you, the clerk could rattle off the following: 

One brown leather purse. Keys. Tiny rubber baseball mitt and ball. Half a tube of rose scented hand cream. An expired set of coupons good (or more to the point not good) for Auntie Anne’s Pretzels. A boogie board.

 

(right now you are thinking whoa, this must be a satchel! But it’s not that kind of boogie board. It’s an electronic toy you write on and then push a button and voila! the screen wipes clean and you get to start a new game of tic-tac-toe or what have you.)

 

A set of 0.3mm pens and small sketch book. One page has a colored pencil drawing of a shirtless Viking I tried to recreate from memory based on a photograph I once found between the pages of a dictionary when I was just a child but lost somewhere along the way and will clearly never forgive myself.

 

Small and empty bottle of ibuprofen. Hair brush. Head band. Three tubes of lipstick (and some feminine hygiene products which I am embarrassed to even list, like I’m 13 or something). Wallet packed fat with fun (but no cash). Battered Metlife dental card not secured in wallet like rest of membership cards for some reason but floating loose like a renegade.

 

Forgotten “organic” fruit strip that I just checked and you will be happy to know the sell-by date is not until April! Packet of Captain’s Wafers, Cream Cheese & Chives flavor (blech). A ticket stub for Miss Peregrine’s Home for Pecuiliar Children. One participation medal from a children’s race. Portable charger and several cords which match up to specific devices but look just similar enough to trick me every time. Unopened air freshener for car in Christmas Cookie™ scent.

No wonder I can never find my keys. I make an effort to put them in one of the side pockets, or the wings of the purse, if you will, but still I can never find them quickly. A long time ago I made a decision to carry a small purse, but I guess I forgot and this one was a gift from my husband, who once observed that I crammed too much into my small purse and needed more room.

A mere sampling

 

 

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35 thoughts on “A glimpse inside Santa’s satchel (or why I need to go back to a small purse)

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  1. I know the struggle….I have a bunch of Aleve floating around the bottom of mine. They escaped their jar and I don’t care enough to capture them. At the best part is…at some point when I’m desperate, I’ll swallow two of them.

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  2. The Viking is really epic. That goes beyond refrigerator art. You know, I was just thinking yesterday as I was going through my work backpack I am a click away from a bag lady, with the weird belly lint shit I have stowed in there. Don’t cats do that too, like squirrel stuff away? Or some cats, at least. Little bits and bobs, our life.

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    1. My husband once found a stash of bouncy balls and shredded paper in a box in the basement. Our cat did not have access to that room. I can’t remember why we had so many bouncy balls. I’m really sounding more and more like a pack rat. Work bags are the worst (or best!).

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      1. I like my everyday purse to be medium sized purse that can stand when I set them down- I hate a collapsing purse- I also like the straps to be medium to short – and I carry it close to my body as one with me…. 👛

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  3. I always wonder why my purse is so heavy, until I sit down to clean it out and find about 17 dollars worth of pennies and nickels and dimes (mostly pennies) at the bottom of it. I’m notorious about just tossing change in. I pity anyone who ever tries to steal it because they’ll dislocate their shoulder. I also probably have about 14 scrunchies and 8 tubes of chapstick at any point in time. And water. And a book or three. And a journal. and I think I even have those same cream cheese & chive crackers. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m a chapstick queen too. The loose change thing is funny and practical. Water is heavy too but out of all the things to lug around, that’s the smartest. I don’t know about those crackers. I like the name but can’t bring myself to eat them.

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  4. Funny. The Lost Viking drawing is excellent. And your bag reminds me of my briefcase bag used on business trips. I like to think someone could make it for a week in the woods after the plane crash. Recently unloaded some of the loose change but it was so full of quarters and such that TSA would pull me out of the line to check out all the metal. Which was a plus of course because who doesn’t like a fresh bag inventory and a pat down.

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  5. This is so relatable. It’s a reminder that our lives are basically in a state of slightly embarrassing (although totally charming!) disarray, 100% of the time. I like the arrest reference. I think about that sometimes – like if I disappeared suddenly, my husband would inevitably discover all the weird things I have squirreled away in my purse, my underwear drawer, my kid’s closet, etc.. Humans are funny. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

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