A presidential proposal

What if, instead of doing away with the Electoral College – which, for some of us anyway, lies just beyond the grasp of understanding and, twice already in my limited time as a voter, has elected an entirely different President than the one chosen by the people – we instead make the losing candidate Vice President? Hear me out. No one pays much attention to Vice Presidential candidates anyway (exception: Sarah Palin), and it should force both major parties to work together. Win-win.

In order for this to work properly, President and Vice-President should probably be handcuffed together, at least for the first 100 days of office. President would still get to choose the country’s agenda and announce bathroom breaks and pick the bedtime story for the presidential turndown service, but Vice President would have the immediate right to veto each decision. So I think both parties would learn pretty quick how to work together to pick the best bedtime stories and policy decisions to lead our nation. 

Maybe handcuffs are too chafing and instead we go with an oversized, two-headed sweater (or pantsuit, bathing suit, etc. depending on season and occasion). At least twice a day, and then once a week for conjugal visits, the President and Vice President would be allowed to leave one another’s side, though should be monitored closely as you would any flight risk.

Who knows what love might blossom, Stockholm Syndrome-style, in such close quarters. There would be no more secrets, though admittedly forced closeness does not seem the cure for acrimonious marriages. There might be murder plots, but at least they’d be the first to know. The idea is more to benefit the American people anyway by allowing both sides to have a voice on every issue so we don’t have this aggravating pendulum swing every 4-8 years, which inevitably results in one very unhappy party. If two people must sacrifice their freedom and mental well being in order for this to happen, why shouldn’t it be the two who took up so much of our own time and precious life force over the last 1.5 years/forever?

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