The G word


I recently googled “should i get” [none of the above] and got the above autocomplete suggestions. It’s not that I haven’t considered and even opted for a few of them, but I never looked at Google as a kind of personal Magic Eight Ball.

For starters, the search would probably take you to a forum post from 2009. You’d find at least 5 conflicting answers, 2 from some guy named Dan whose avatar is a pixelated wizard. Not that I would know.

Are we so uncomfortable with uncertainty that we’re willing to turn important decisions over to confused wizards?

Or are we just in the age where the internet is ripe with information, and there’s no such thing as too much? God knows I’ve found help online staying sober that I couldn’t imagine finding anywhere else.

When it comes to tough questions, I prefer to mull them over in my head for too long. Maybe I’ll journal it, which is like a longhand, long winded prayer to the universe. Or I might email someone I feel close to. The next step might be to state the question out loud in the car or to a sleepy cat that blinks and yawns in response.

Maybe the autocomplete questions are like a first draft to a really tough question. Maybe Dan the wizard would advise them to go with bangs because they’ll make them look younger, but know they’ll take at least 6 months to grow out. If they can’t stand the idea of a 6 month commitment, definitely skip the dog, divorce and tattoo. I’d add they should have gotten their flu shot months ago, but I’m not sure they work anyway, and now I’m going to google tiny images of wizards (said at least 50 people today already).

34 thoughts on “The G word

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  1. hilarious! love google auto suggest…. ‘how to’ is always fun too. the great unanswered questions of life. the first answer is always ‘tie a tie’. there are a lot of confused young men out there… if we all knew how to kiss, make pancakes and cook quinoa the world might be a happier place!


  2. Being a bit of a non-googler, I actually enjoy the mulling part of an idea or question to. Thinking is under-rated and a bit of a luxury these days.
    One of the biggest challenges with the advent of the information availability is to actually un-avail oneself of the information. Kinda like an Un-Want rather than a want.
    I suppose Google is handy when you need to know something important. BB just google ‘How long is a piece of string’ sit back and read the results – hours of fun.B


  3. bangs… – so confused with that word…

    In good old blighty – the home of the Queen’s English we refer to that as “a fringe”. Now a “bang” to me is not only a loud noise but also a word in the popular vernacular meaning – to have sexual relations.

    So rewind about 20 years or so. One of my first ever working trips to the USA. I’m in an open plan office with a few co-workers (colleagues to me ;-)) and a female one stands up and states she is “leaving early as I need my bangs sorted”… I was on totally the wrong wavelength and thought it somewhat forward of her to state this to about 20 of us. When I asked my host (a good friend still to this day) to clarify – he nearly died laughing… oh and of course he had to tell her the next day to add to my embarrassment!

    Sorry what was this post actually about… ?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Hmm… just trying think if I’ve ever suggested filling a young Irish lady’s growler with beer… possibly back in the Guinness filled hazy days..! No wonder I always staggered back to the hotels on my own


  4. furtheron, if you try the same experiment in the first answer you get is “should I get a fringe?” I had to try it, too, Kristen, just to see! Dog and tattoo are also there, but instead of “divorce” I get “should I get back with my ex”! Now what’s all that about? x


    1. I don’t normally like to play god, but think I’d have to say no with regard to anyone asking the ex question. I had been wondering if we should get a dog, but hadn’t posed it to the Google yet. Thanks for weighing in with the UK version.


  5. I’m a bit fascinated by Google autocorrect and the things that pop up as the most common things people apparently ask the almighty goog. One I stumbled upon is “Am I in love?” Gee, I think if you have to ask a search engine either you’re not or you are under 15 years of age.


  6. I love the google and am overly reliant on it.
    And autocomplete has given me hours of countless, mindless and avoid and fun.
    Meanwhile….what does god look like? Had to be googled.



  7. haha – and well the bangs had me laughing.

    also- this is timely because my oldest son (just trend 17) just told us that he is glad for you tube – because it has been a third parent. ha – and I am glad for it too- well minus some of the junk….


  8. i’m all about the free writing as a prayer to the universe. When i started writing fiction seriously at college, i was amazed at how often stuff i wrote about came true in weird ways. It was eerie!


  9. I’m on the same wavelength. I love journaling about a question. Sometimes I’ll also meditate on it too. Asking Google whether to get bangs (or a fringe, or a pony as they say in Germany) isn’t my style either, although it would give me some place to lay the blame if they look terrible 😉


  10. The choice today was to post or to read. I chose read blogs and it is so fun. You, my girlfriend, are as funny as ever (along with your readers). I have to admit I have never posed a question to google. Is my age showing? I need to stick with journaling and my therapist on most matters. Think of you often even though I’m a little sparse on my reading now of days.


  11. How did I miss this one?

    Great topic and fun responses.

    I Google everything. And I mean everything. Not sure how I lived life without it (and it’s predecessors – Alta Vista, Ask Jeeves, etc.) The autocompletes can be fun – sometimes I get on wicked tangents with that.


  12. I am indifferent to autocomplete but I hate Google giving me results that are old. I wish I knew how to make the “search tools” default to past month. I have tried Bing as an alternative but, they have a little catching up to do. What are you supposed to do when the best search engine in the world isn’t good enough for you.


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