So you don’t think I only write obnoxious posts about stuff I have done, I will write an obnoxious post about some things I have not done.
I did not finish CampNanoWrimo. I set a word count goal of 30,000 and only made it to 19,116. I was basically the kid who gets sent home the last week of camp due to an unfortunate incident involving fire ants. So I missed the end-0f-camp dance and bonfire, but maybe I learned archery, which is harder than it looks. One night I sat down to tap out a few words for campnanowrimo and found a story I didn’t even know my brain could create. It was all spit and no polish, but damn, it felt right.
I am not doing meditation or yoga class anymore, though I will probably come back to both at some point.
I am not sticking to my low sugar plan. I don’t have this one licked, folks, which makes me think of lollipops and ice cream cones, which I love very, very much and probably always will. I’ve gained a couple of pounds or I haven’t, depending on which day of the week I weigh myself and where (scales at doctor’s offices are assholes), but it really isn’t about the number. I don’t feel good after I binge because it feels like secretive self-sabotage and how I used to be and don’t want to be anymore.
Still, I am tired of trying to tame the sugar demon and think I might sit with him for awhile. I feel a certain tenderness towards my demons, no doubt due to Running on Sober’s poem about cuddling with hers. This is not the same as feeling like I want to give up or give in to old cravings, so I’m not sure how it will turn out yet.
I am trying new things I never would have before. I am learning which things I am good at (ie archery) and which I am not (ie fire ants). I report them here in my battle against the need for perfectionism and control. A little failure is in order here and now that I found it, I will linger with it for a bit in a way that feels decidedly sweet.
Hope you have a wonderful weekend.