Friday night I even resisted cake in a dream. Then I dreamt I walked to the grocery store to buy food I could eat, only to look down and notice I wasn’t wearing any shoes and couldn’t go inside.
Last night I went so far as to dream I was pregnant and having a baby shower because even my subconscious knows baby showers serve cake. The last thing I remember before waking were people dressed in panda costumes pretending to be real pandas, and no food of any kind had been served.
In case it isn’t obvious, I am struggling with this no-sugar 30. All day yesterday I caught myself thinking “why am I doing this?” That’s a copout, I know, but I feel decidedly more hopeless about a long-term goal than I did on day 3. That’s probably the drop in glucose.
AnswersWillCome wrote a great post about this yesterday. She’s doing the Whole30, which is like my sugar-free fling on steroids. She experienced the same restless why? on Day 6 and then realized something I had not yet. Diets of any kind, while cruel, force us to eat more mindfully. This is a chance for me to observe and learn why I binge in the first place.
Part of my frustration right now comes from the fact that the scale hasn’t budged since I started skipping sugar. Weight is the elephant in the room because although I never mentioned it before, one of the main reasons I wanted to do the sugar-free 30 was to drop the 5 pounds I picked up over the holidays. I envisioned cutting out sugar and immediately watching my newly energized body get back to where it was before, and then some. I think I need to settle the fuck down and be patient, but it’s hard to do this without cupcakes, apparently.
Thank you to all who checked in via comments. I listened to those who recommended good fats to cure cravings and picked up avocado and almond butter, among other goodies. I also picked up almond milk, but I don’t think I’d call that a goodie.
Happy Monday to all and here’s to hoping week 2 is dreamier.