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The good: I survived the holidays with nary a thought about drinking.

The bad: I hoovered cookies like the mayans were right. (special nod to B for reminding me that hoover is a fine verb.)

Don’t worry, I’m not climbing up on the soapbox today to preach the evils of refined sugar, mainly because it doesn’t fuel long-lasting energy or clear thinking, apparently. I just noticed that I definitely replaced alcohol with other, less destructive forms of self-medication to survive the holidays. I feel aware of this in a detached sort of way and also notice these substitutes aren’t really working anymore. I wonder why that is.

Christmas as a season was excellent. One day I took my kids to see A Christmas Story in an old movie theater and felt like I’d traveled back in time to that perfect Christmas when I got a barbie pool under the tree and a kitten in my stocking.Β Then Christmas day came, and even then I was fine until I went home for the holidays. Nothing noteworthy happened – the visit just stirred up feelings of not good enough and disappointment that are hard to pinpoint. And I know they’re all me, which makes it more frustrating.

Spending time around family is what the holidays are all about. It’s also my #1 trigger because I absorb all the expectations – real and imagined – of others for this perfect holiday and family. I am most at peace when I let go of outcomes and expectations, yet I seem to lose my ability to let go the more interaction I have with others. I’m no mathlete, but this seems an equation for unease and unrest over the holidays.

It is up to me to add back to my reserves. I exercised this morning after taking several days off and felt the boost in energy and mood. Tonight I’ll go to the movies with my kid and tomorrow maybe we’ll get our first real snowfall of the season. I’m looking forward to both of these simple pleasures and I don’t really care how they turn out. Sunday we’ll strip and scrap the Christmas tree because that’s what you do at the end of the year. It was a good tree, a beautiful one, really. I’m sad to see it go but I’m excited about the new year and whatever challenges and changes it brings.

Wishing you and yours a peaceful end to 2012 and a happy and healthy 2013.

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  1. I also ate cookies like it was my job. I didn’t drink (and it was relatively easy) and I noticed that all the sugar made me feel like ass. But I kept telling myself I deserved a treat. I think I need to rethink what “I deserve” means. AND!!! I made these amazingly delicious walnut/cocoa yummies that I’m going to post today on my blog. Nary a sugar or a honey honey in sight! Woot woot! πŸ™‚

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  2. Cookies … I put all of mine in the freezer so I wouldn’t eat them if I saw them on the counter. Now I love frozen cookies. Is there any hope for me? LOL … Happy to be sober. I, too, am looking forward to a new year and another renewed me. As always, thanks for the post. lisa

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  3. Thanks for the shout out. πŸ™‚ Hoover just describes it so well!

    Happy holidays and new year to you, so glad we met this year. You’re a huge support system and inspiration for/to me.

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  4. So glad you enjoyed your Christmas and spent it mostly at ease.

    Every year I watch The Christmas Story on the TNT (or is it TBS?) marathon, and every year I love it more and more. The visiting Santa at the mall scene reminds me of when I met the Easter Bunny at the mall when I was a child–scariest Bunny I’ve ever met. (Not that I’ve met many, and he was less scary than the Monty Python bunny…)

    Actually bought sugar-free coffee creamer at the store. Artificial sweeteners, yes, but I skipped the bagels and my fruity (sugary) Greek Yogurt… Baby steps!

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  5. I get that “not good enough” feeling over the holidays too. It’s the number one downer around here, Oh well, I made it through and am almost looking forward to going back to work. Good luck with the sugar-free 30. I’ll be with you on that.

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  6. i was back in the States for 10 days and between the all-you-can eat buffets (all you can eat pizza!) and the awesome junk food we don’t get in Yeaman, i know exactly what you mean about going a little overboard on food! Fortunately, i’m back home know and can better control what food is put in front of me!

    A very happy New Year to you, my friend.

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